I am still not even sure how to begin this post, this has not been an easy year. It has not even been by my design that the year has been so challenging and stressful. When this year began, I was extremely hopeful and really excited for where it could potentially go.
Then Covid Happened and my workplace had to close its doors for the safety of others, I didn’t lose my job (thankfully) but the moving of everyone’s computers and the collective stress of the department did not help. The biggest killer of my motivation to draw and paint however was just the uncertainty and just how much I was constantly between two extremes. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak. This is what killed my motivation the most.
The best way to explain what this was like, was losing hours and then going into overtime repeatedly. This stressed me out a lot, then listening to what was going on in the news on a constant basis did not help either.
When it comes to anything creative, I have found that there is a delicate balance for a happy medium where I am the most productive. When I am too stressed out, priorities kick in and some things will have to be pushed aside like painting which breaks my heart a little bit because there has always been this exhilarating feeling in completing a creative project. I tend to live off this feeling – It is very much like air to me.
Normally this is where I would say that there is good news, but unfortunately it gets worse. Earlier this year I updated my computer to a brand new one, this has been an update that I have been putting off for a little while because of the cost.
It was in the process of transferring over the older files, all the work-related files that specifically relate to this little business got lost. This includes a backlog of purchases, a database of the paintings that have been made, all the previous magazines that have been released and all the media that accompanied it.
This was just another blow – and will take time to recover.
Even so there is a bit of a silver lining here because this will provide a clean slate to start from for re-organization. However, that is also 4 years’ worth of content that is just lost which is very unfortunate.
So, is there a silver lining in any of this? Well, yes there is.
Something that I have been toying with for a long time was the potential idea of returning to school to re-adjust my overall career. I decided that it was a good time to take that risk and do it and somehow, despite all odds I got into a graduate program at Fanshawe College.
Now for confidential reasons I cannot say which program that I got into. However, in the following year I will be able to make that announcement fully and I am looking forward to that day.
So, what does this mean for this little studio? It means that it will take some time to rebuild the foundation of this business again. It means that paintings will take a little longer to make with new commitments.
As we all will adjust to the new normal, so will this little business take time to rebuild as well. I am still an extremely and possibly too optimistic type of guy, so I will not stop believing in hope. I also do not want to stop moving forward, but it will take time and probably more time now to get things rolling in the right direction again.